In the next life
by Ruthyroo
Summary: After tonight's heartbreaking episode. End of an era :( Stendan.


**In the next life :)**

I hear the gun shots and I try to get to you but the door is locked. I tell you to let me in, but you don't answer me. This can't be happening, what if you're hurt or even worse, what if you're dead. You are my life Brendan Brady and you're not leaving me this time, not again. Calling the police was the only thing left to do, I had no other choice and now more than ever I need to know if you're okay. We've got that happy ever after to look forward to remember?

I hear ye Steven, I hear ye louder than I've ever heard ye before, but I can't get you involved with all of this. I have to protect Chez and if I see ye…if I take one look at those beautiful eyes I know that I'll crumble. See you have always been my world, no matter what it felt like at times and I can't give ye up if ye are standing here in front of me. Do ye know what the saddest thing is? We were so close…so close to having everything we both wanted. I'm so sorry.

The police are everywhere I thought they'd help; I thought they would break down the door and bring you out to me. Instead I get to watch as they surround the club and I'm here in limbo wondering what the hell is going on. You are everything to me and standing here waiting is torture for me. Why does it feel like you're keeping something from me? Why does it feel like I'm being shut out over again? Please come out, whatever it is we can sort this out…we always do. Don't leave me alone now.

I've made a decision now; I know what I have to do. I know how I can make everything better, ye of course won't think so but one day you'll thank me. I have to take the bullet for Chez, she won't make it in prison and I don't think I will either. There is only one way out of all this…I have to die. I can't live my life without ye and I won't let Chez go down for Seamus. Ye know how I feel about ye, I thought at one point that ye love could save me from anything, but not this time.

It's been a rough week for us, but one that we survived and I know whatever is going on inside that club we can survive that too. I'm here for you, like I've always been, like I always will be, but I can't help you if you won't let me in. The police are trying to phone you, but you're not picking up and I have the sinking feeling that something really bad has happened to you and I can't stop the tears now. What am I going to do without you? I wish you loved me as much as I love you.

I'm not going to have the chance to say goodbye to ye and I'm sorry, really I am. I'm sorry to put all this on ye Steven, but good will come out of it all. Ye will get Leah and Lucas back, they belong to ye…just as I do, only ye can't have us both now. I will never forget a single moment we shared together, for ye Steven Hay loved me, I mean truly loved me…all of me, even the bad and I will always remember that. I told ye people like me don't get a happy ending.

It feels like I've been waiting here forever and I just want this night to end so we can get back to our normal life. Only something tells me that after tonight I'm never going to have a normal life again. I really hope my instincts are wrong. There are so many police here now, I look around and all I can see is guns. I wish I knew who was in there with you, at least then I would have some clue as to what is going on. If you make it out of this alive Bren, I'm gonna kill you myself.

Time for us has already run out, I'm never going to be able to hold ye close anymore, or kiss ye beautiful soft lips, or tell ye how amazing ye are. I don't want this Steven, I hope ye know that, but I have lost the will to live now it means living a life without ye. Ye know me better than anyone; please remember that now, because when ye remember that then ye will know how much I love ye. I just wish I could have had one last kiss…one last goodbye.

I watch as you come out on to the balcony of the club, you look like a broken man, a man who has lost all hope. I'm just so glad that you are alive, I'd been having some horrible thoughts out here you know. I want to come to you but the police won't let me through. They are telling you to put your hands on your head and I don't get why. You haven't done anything wrong. Then you start to speak and I cannot believe what I'm hearing. Please shut up…please!

"My name is Brendan Seamus Brady, from North Dublin. And this is my final confession: I am responsible for the murders of: Daniel Houston, Michael Cornish, Florence Brady, DI walker and Seamus Brady, my father. None died, who didn't deserve to die.  
The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son."

I hear ye shouting at me and I can barely look at ye. We almost made it didn't we?

"In the next live Steven."

**The end of an era. Please review xx xx xx**


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